Auntie Lexa
A HOMOROUS SHORT STORY BY CARRIE HEWETT
Ted the decorator was old-school – and this fancy new house seemed a grand place to while away the week…
Jodie opened the door to the painter, glad that he was on time as she had a train to catch. Thankfully a quick check on her smart watch showed her that the roads were clear so it wouldn’t take long to get to the station, and her train should still be running to time. She’d prebooked a parking space as well to make things easier.
“Morning, Ted.”
“Morning, love.” The middle-aged man smiled cheerfully.
The paint’s in the lobby. Baby blue for the walls and white for the gloss.
“Should look nice.”
“And my conference lasts five days, so I’ll see you on Friday.”
It was a gradual process getting her new home the way she wanted. And for the most part, she’d been happy to do the decorating herself. But having been promoted at work about six months ago, she’d decided to splurge and employ someone to decorate the living room.
“It’ll be all sorted for you,” Ted promised, jamming one hand into the pocket of his overalls.
“Thanks. Any problems, ring me.”
“I can’t see there will be, but I’ve got your number in case.”
Jodie checked her list on her watch before picking up her case and car keys. She could go over any paperwork en route. And she wouldn’t have to breathe in paint fumes all week! Perfect.
Ted whistled as he went out to his van to collect his dust sheets and brushes. With the room almost empty of furniture and the house to himself, it should be an easy job.
He’d overquoted slightly, but then, she was young and probably didn’t even realise how much a decorating job should cost. Yeah, he thought happily. Should be a good week.
After a busy first day, Jodie retired to her room to change for dinner. She’d made some new friends, and work was going well. Being a digital marketing account executive suited her down to the ground.
Entering the restaurant, she positioned herself next to a friendly middle-aged woman by the name of Sue, and a man called Paul.
“How’s the decorating going?” Paul asked after they had ordered food.
“Good, I hope. Shame I can’t see his progress, but I’ve not had inside security cameras fitted yet. I intend to, though.”
“I’ve been wondering about doing the same thing,” Paul answered. “Especially as I’m away a lot for work. I’ve got outside cameras fitted already.”
“Me, too. Handy to be able to operate things with this.” Jodie indicated her smart watch.
“Ooh, I’m thinking of getting one of those,” Sue interrupted. “I love the idea of being able to do so much from your watch. Isn’t technology great?
“When I think back to when I was a girl, we had landlines and I had to sit in the same room as my parents to talk to my boyfriends!” She laughed.
Jodie laughed with her.
“It is. I’ve got a home security system, as well as a smart speaker.
“And among other things, I can adjust or change the colour of my outside lighting from my watch which is handy.”
Sue looked impressed. “How?”
Jodie accessed the app and flicked her fingers across the settings to bring up the external lighting.
“See? They’re blue at the moment, but I can change them like this.”
She adjusted the setting and they could all see that the outside lights now glowed a rich ruby red colour, casting a glow across her shrubbery.
Sue’s eyes widened.
Cool! What else can it do?
“Well, I can adjust the heating, so that if it’s cold I can ensure that when I get home it will be toasty warm. It saves adjusting the boiler temperature gauge before I leave. Ditto if it suddenly turns warm, I can turn the heating down.” Jodie slid the setting control, and it showed a cool eight degrees.
“I can also turn the radio on and off, or even the TV or cooker. So, I can prepare a meal, pop it into the oven before I leave for work, and put the oven on to cook for the required time. I’ll have a piping hot meal waiting for me when I get home.”
“It does a better job than my husband!” Sue laughed. “Especially when he gets carried away watching his football and forgets. Can it take the bins out, too?”
Jodie grinned.
“Unfortunately, not, but considering how fast technology is moving I’m sure it won’t be too long before our wheelie bins can be electronically instructed to wheel themselves in and out.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely buy one of those when they do!”
The conversation was curtailed as their starters arrived, but Sue begged to be shown more of what the app could do later.
Ted let himself into the house the next day and shivered. Weird. He was sure he’d moved the heating controls to a comfy twenty-one degrees yesterday.
He pulled his woolly cardigan tighter around himself. Hmm. Maybe he’d make himself a cup of coffee before he got started. He’d noticed that she had a fancy coffee machine and wanted to give it a go even though she’d left out a jar of instant for him. He’d been studying the instruction booklet the day before in between sanding down.
He’d also found some fancy chocolate biscuits hidden at the back of one of the cupboards. They’d go down a treat.
Maybe he’d put his feet up for a bit and warm up. Perhaps he’d put the TV on. His missus was forever telling him how interesting daytime television could be. Besides, the footie would be on soon.
“What else can your app do?” Sue asked during a break the next day.
Well, I can put the radio or TV on if I want…
“Ooh! Show me!”
Jodie brought up the app.
“See? It’s now showing they’re both on. I can adjust the loudness as well. It’s brilliant when you don’t want to get out of bed on a Sunday morning.”
“Can it make you a coffee too?” Sue gave a hopeful expression.
“Yes. The home connect app allows me to do all of that remotely.”
Sue pursed her lips.
“Considering I work with technology, I don’t have much of it myself. Though I have got a robot vacuum cleaner which is brilliant.”
Ted jumped when both the radio and the TV suddenly came on while he was perusing social media on his phone. He glanced around anxiously. He was alone, wasn’t he?
Nervously, he went over to the TV and switched it off before doing likewise with the radio.
Don’t be daft. You must have left them switched on yesterday.
All the same. Maybe he’d bring in his own radio the following day, just to be on the safe side.
He hummed quietly to himself, glancing round every now and then and feeling goosebumps rise on his arms at the thought of ghosts. He’d been working at one place about a year ago that had the reputation of being haunted, but he’d laughed off the suggestion. No such thing as ghosts, he’d said.
But he’d had a prickly sensation between his shoulder blades the whole time, as if he was being watched. Things had mysteriously vanished or been moved about too, he’d swear to it. There’d even been an apparition one evening when he’d been working late – it had looked like the ghost of an elderly woman – though he’d kept that quiet as he hadn’t wanted to be laughed at.
But this place had seemed above board. Or so he’d thought…
The television came to life again, causing him to jerk the paintbrush. Darn it. The sooner he finished here the better!
“Ha! That’s brilliant!” Sue exclaimed. “What else will it do?”
“Lots of things. I can turn the lighting on and off, like this.” Jodie adjusted the settings for the lights. “And even just turn the lights on in one room and off in another. Or individually adjust the brightness.” She demonstrated.
“Love it,” Sue enthused.
When the lighting in the room dimmed, Ted jumped and cursed.
He swallowed hard. Someone had to be hiding in the property. Or had the woman come back early?
Putting down his paintbrush he cautiously walked round the house, even checking under the bed. Empty. The place had to be haunted!
He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, and picked up speed. He’d been hoping to take advantage of having the place to himself. The actual decorating wouldn’t take long, he’d just wanted to eke it out and enjoy numerous cups of coffee and chocolate biscuits with his feet up watching the footie.
But not now! Now he just wanted it done, and he’d collect his money when Jodie returned.
With the conference finishing sooner than anticipated, Jodie said her goodbyes and dashed to the station, managing to catch an earlier train. She settled into her seat before flicking open her home’s outside security camera.
Weird. She’d been expecting to still see the painter’s van outside. She was sure she remembered him saying that it would take him all week. Still, if he’d finished earlier than expected, that was good.
Arriving home, she sniffed, glad that she’d asked him to use the low-odour paint. She had a slight allergy to the fumes and that was partly why she’d timed the decorating to happen at the same time as the conference.
She walked into the living room and grinned. It was perfect! OK, the quote had been a bit more then she’d been expecting, but she’d wanted the job done quickly after all.
Though why had Ted left his stepladder? That was a bit odd.
Oh well. No doubt he’d pick it up when he came back to get paid.
Going into the kitchen, she frowned at the unopened jar of instant coffee, and the dirty mugs strewn across the work surfaces, along with the biscuit wrappers and crumbs. It looked very much as though he’d used her new coffee machine too – the cheek of it!
The next day Ted returned for his money. He just hoped she wouldn’t ask him to do any further work. The place gave him the creeps!
The room looks great, but I’m surprised you didn’t clean out the coffee machine and the rest of the mess.
“It was the ghost!” Ted blustered.
“What ghost?”
“Weird things have been happening all week. The lights went on and off, and the TV and radio came on by themselves. If I were you, I’d move.” He shivered, giving the hallway a baleful look.
Just not right, the dead coming back to haunt us.
Should she say something or not?
In the end Jodie said nothing and hid a smile as she passed over his money.
“Oh, that’s just Auntie Lexa,” she said waving a nonchalant hand. “She likes to keep an eye on things. Now, I was wondering if I could get you to quote for the bathroom?”
She didn’t get a chance to finish. Ted went as white as a sheet as he grabbed his money and dashed down the drive.
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