Diary Of A Modern Gran: Old Friends
There’s nothing quite like someone who knew you from way back, is there? In the last fortnight, I’ve had two long play dates! Normally these are something that my grandchildren do.
But now people are beginning to catch up with old friends who they haven’t been able to see because of the virus, low immunity in the family and other reasons. So I’ve started dipping in my toe too.
Two weeks ago, my cousin and her son, who is my godson, came over for a few days. This week it was my old friend, Margaret – not old in terms of years, although we are both of a “certain age” – but old in terms of knowing each other.
I first met Margaret in a small Buckinghamshire village hall when I took my then one-year-old daughter and three-year-old son. We’d just moved to the area and I felt very nervous.
But Margaret made me feel at home.
Over the years, we’ve seen each other through a great deal, including divorce and bereavement. When my first marriage ended, she would ring me every day to see if I was alright.
Now we live a long way away from each other, but she made a five-hour journey down to spend some time with me. She was able to catch up with my eldest son. He is now in his late 30s – where does the time go? It was lovely to see them chatting together on the beach as adults. Not that long ago, we’d be collecting our children from school together!
I’m also in touch with another friend from that time – partly because of this column! She is a regular reader and often sends me lovely emails.
I do hope that my grandchildren Rose and George will also be friends as adults with the children they play with now. I have a strong feeling that they will.
Then I had another visit from a childhood friend, whom I grew up with near Harrow. We saw each other nearly every day from the age of eight until 18.
We kept up with each other until our 30s, but then our lives changed and we drifted apart. But last summer, she happened to spot me from a bus in the town where I now live. She didn’t even know that I lived there and was there, herself, on holiday.
I received a text message from her, saying that she thought she had seen me but wasn’t sure. I dashed down to her hotel. Amazingly, we were able to pick up where we had left off. Our only regret was that we had left that our friendship slide.
Now, although we live hundreds of miles apart, we talk and email regularly.
All this helps to make up for the empty space in my life, now that the grandchildren are on holiday! As regular readers know, I’m lucky enough to see them every day. But they’ve gone to a sunny spot for two weeks. We’ve been chatting quite a lot on the phone and it’s lovely to see them having time as before, frolicking by the pool and generally chilling out.
“We can say the Spanish for ‘Please can we have the bill’,” chirps George!
Rose, meanwhile, has made a new best friend by the swimming pool!
At least they are getting decent weather! While they’re away, I’ve been battling my way through the rain twice a day to feed my grandchildren’s cats.
It’s a bit complicated because there are two of them – both black and seemingly identical. I only seem to get one cat at a time so I’m hoping that it’s not the same one.
Luckily, my daughter identifies them when I send a video. She can tell the difference between them and it looks as though the cats have been taking it in turns to come back! That’s a relief. It’s actually quite a responsibility.
Meanwhile, I’ve just reached the stage in my new novel where I’ve given one of my characters a best friend.
There’s nothing quite like it.
I’d love to hear about your best friends and any other granny news. Do email us at moderngran@dcthomson.co.uk.
Agony Gran
“My grandson got his exam results through this week They are good enough for him to go to university, but not the one that he hoped to go to. He is very upset. Can you help me find the right words to talk to him?” Name withheld.
Jane says:
Thank you so much for getting in touch. I suspect that many grandparents will be having mixed feelings this week after A-level results.
If I were you, I might talk to your grandson about times in your life when you had wanted to do something and weren’t able to. Did that lead to other opportunities? This often happens in life.
If so, perhaps you could share that with him.
Also, talk to him about the university that he is going to and make him feel excited about it. Maybe you could ask him to share pictures with you on the internet, even if you know perfectly well how to do that yourself! Tell him how well he’s done to get this far. Confidence means so much to us however old we are, doesn’t it?
I don’t know whether you live near each other, but if you are close, perhaps you could take him on a day trip somewhere to have “you and him” time. If you’re too far, phone calls and letters can make a big difference. Then you can start planning some days out when you go and visit him. Good luck.
Thanks For Getting In Touch!
“Your column last week about almost collecting the wrong child from a holiday activity day, reminded me of something that happened some years ago. I took my children, then about 10 and 12 to London for a day out. There were a lot of people on the tube train, and I grabbed my son’s hand to make sure he stayed close next to me. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ said a woman.
“By mistake, I had grabbed her child’s by mistake. My own son was standing behind me. Luckily she understood. We both hung onto our own children until we got off.” Denise, Hertfordshire
“I couldn’t smiling when I read the agony gran section in last week’s column about the grandchild who repeated what his grandmother said. But it works the other way around as well. Sometimes my grandchildren tell me things that my son and his partner have said about me.
‘”Mummy says you fuss’, one of them told me the other day. I’ve decided not to say anything in case it causes trouble. In fact, it’s quite useful to get some secret feedback!” Name withheld
The Funny Things They Say
“Last week I had my seven-year-old grandson for the day. I took him with me to the barbers as I needed a trim.
“Maybe granny should come here,” he said, referring to the other set of grandparents. “She could get rid of the hairs on her chin.” Name withheld
Whoops! Just goes to show what they take in, doesn’t it?!
Family News
Helping to buy your grandchildren’s school uniform? Look out for Marks & Spencer Back-to-School “Shwopping boxes” where you can donate good-quality, pre-loved school uniform. Items will be given a second life in an Oxfam shop and can also be bought on a dedicated pre-loved school uniform shop on eBay.
Grandparent Tip
“My granddaughter who’s in her second year at uni has just been staying with me. She offered to help me with some housework.
“What are you doing?” she asked when I put an old sock on my hand.
“I find it makes a great duster,” I say, “especially when it comes to getting those difficult bits in corners. It also means I can re-use socks with holes in them.
“My granddaughter says she’s going to do the same when she goes back to uni.” Doreen
Where To Take The Grandchildren
This week’s idea for a great day out takes us to Camera Obscura and World of Illusions, 549 Castlehill, Edinburgh EH1 2ND. Tel: 0131 226 3709
Have a great family day with over 100 interactive exhibitions over five floors for all ages. Attractions include hands-on optical illusions, tricks and fun things to do including the Vortex Tunnel and the Mirror Maze.
Children’s Book Of The Week
Each week I share details of a book you can enjoy reading with your grandchild.
This time it’s Why Should I Brush My Teeth? by Katie Daynes and Marta Alvarez Miguens. Usborne Books, £6.99
This is a great book to encourage our grandchildren to clean their teeth! Perfect for a sleepover. It also answers fascinating questions such as why animals don’t have toothbrushes and why baby teeth fall out.
Summer Read For You
“Have you got somewhere safe to go?” asks the detective. Nancy is hiding in the same seaside house where her grandmother’s best friend lived during the war. Can Elizabeth’s secret from World War Two help Nancy start again?
Coming To Find You (a Sunday Times best-seller) is available in bookshops, supermarkets and online.
