Poor Val
When household appliances become members of the family, it’s time to tread very carefully, as Al discovers
The spring-cleaning bug hits Mary every year. Sometimes early in the season, sometimes later, but it always strikes.
When that happens, Al knows his home is about to be turned upside down.
Ceilings will be vacuumed, skirting boards scrubbed with a toothbrush, and mattresses sprinkled with bicarbonate of soda and vacuumed to within an inch of their pocket coils.
So, it was a sad and bad moment for Mary when her trusty sidekick, Valerie the vacuum, gave up the ghost.
They’d been a team for many years, and Val never complained about overtime.
So Mary was surprised by the ominous smell of burning rubber that filled the living room when, fitted with the flexible extension hose and nozzle crevice tool, Val was winkling out a year’s worth of dust from the back of the sofa.
“What’s that smell?” Al called as the acrid aroma reached him in the kitchen.
“It’s Val! She’s burning up! Help!”
“I’ll get my toolbox,” Al called enthusiastically.
“I think she’s done for.” Al delivered the post-mortem verdict half an hour later, as Valerie’s innards lay on the kitchen floor. “I’ll take her to the tip later.”
Seeing Mary’s horrified face, he quickly continued, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that she’s properly recycled.” He perked right up. “Lucky that I didn’t get around to returning your Valentine’s Day present yet.”
He’d given Mary a hands-free vacuuming robot – far more useful than flowers or chocolates.
Admittedly, he’d had misgivings when he read that the appliance could be operated by an app – Mary had an aversion to anything with an app. But he felt sure this minor drawback would be overlooked once she realised how much time it would free up.
Instead of being delighted with her gift, Mary insisted he return it. Al had intended to, only he hadn’t got around to it yet.
Which was just as well because now, it was robot-vacuum to the rescue!
“Let the spring-cleaning continue! I’ll have this charged and ready to roll in no time!” Al said, producing the rejected gift with a flourish.
Mary ignored the new vacuum and gazed sadly at her old cleaner.
“How can you throw Val on the scrap heap, without a second thought? She’s been so reliable.”
Mary was horrified at how quickly Al forgot Valerie’s decades of faithful service.
Was that how Al thought about everything – everyone – who was past their best?
Did he think she might need replacing with a newer model?
Sensing there was more to Mary’s distress than he understood, Al picked up the old vacuum.
“I’ll take Valerie to the Vacuum Repair Centre. Maybe they can save her,” he suggested, wondering if it had been a mistake to name their vacuum all those years ago.
“The man at the repair shop said he didn’t see many models that old any more,” Al reported when he got home.
“Did he try to sell you a newer one?” Mary asked wryly.
“No, he said our cleaner was well worth repairing. ‘They don’t make ’em like they used to’ were his exact words.”
Isn’t that the truth, thought Mary.
The repair centre phoned later. Val’s prognosis was good. With a tune-up and a few replacement parts that they had on order, she’d be like new again.
“In the meantime, shall I set up the hands-free vacuum?” Al asked hopefully.
“OK.” Mary didn’t put up a fight.
The middle of spring-cleaning wasn’t the time to take a stand on gadgets.
She didn’t hold out much hope that Val’s replacement would be up to the job – new appliances were rarely as good as the old ones – but needs must.
“Read the instructions,” she cautioned.
Of course, Al didn’t study the manual. After a cursory glance, he installed the app on his phone and scheduled the first cleaning to take place overnight.
The robot whirred to life at two in the morning. Much quieter than Valerie, Al and Mary didn’t hear a sound as it scuttled backwards and forwards across the floor, munching the crumbs from Al’s late-night snack along with the dust bunnies under the sofa.
Next morning, Mary noted the spotless floor and smiled her approval at the robot.
“I think I’ll call him Valentino. Good job, ’Tino,” she said affectionately.
“Don’t go getting too attached,” warned Al, noticing the new vacuum had already earned a nickname.
“I won’t. I mean, ’Tino might do a stellar job on the floors, but he’s not as versatile as Val.”
Al nodded sagely. “A nifty new appliance will never replace a tried-and-true older model.”
Mary beamed, and Al experienced a rare epiphany.
“Some things – and people – are irreplaceable,” he declared and kissed the tip of her nose.
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