The Question
WRITTEN BY JAN WRIGHT
Kerry decided New Year would be the best time to ask, then if he said no, she could make a fresh start…
“You think I should do what?” Kerry cried, looking at her sister in horror.
“You heard me. This is the twenty-first century, you’re fifty-five years old and you’ve successfully run your own business for the past twenty years. I know you’ve stood up to bank managers, lawyers, and every other obstacle that’s been thrown your way. You’re hardly a shrinking violet.”
Kerry picked up her coffee and took a gulp. Rose was right, she’d take on anybody where her business was concerned. She was also good at dealing with condescending garage mechanics and plumbers who wanted to overcharge her, but that was a world away from asking a man to marry her!
“Look,” Rose continued, “You and Duncan have been dating for what… four years now?”
“Nearly six,” Kerry muttered.
“There you go, look how fast time has gone. If you’re not careful you’ll be planning your retirement, and you and Duncan will still be in the same situation.
Why don’t you take control? You don’t have to wait for Duncan, just get down on one knee and propose to him.
“You make it sound simple,” she replied. “But what if he says no? I love him, I don’t want to lose him.”
“But you aren’t happy with the way things are, you’ve just spent the last hour telling me that. Surely it’s better to know so you can move on and find someone else?”
That conversation had taken place last October, and over the past few months Kerry had replayed Rose’s words over and over in her mind. She knew her sister was right; it wasn’t good to carry on like this. For the last eighteen months she’d been dropping subtle hints about the hassle of having two houses, but Duncan had either not picked up on them or was ignoring them. She wished she knew which it was.
Kerry had dated plenty of men over the years, but she’d always been too focused on her business, too busy jetting around the world to care much about “settling down” as her mother referred to it.
Yet she’d known from the start that Duncan was different, or maybe it was because she was now different. Her PR company had grown to such a size that she now had great people working for her, so it wasn’t all on her shoulders. She also didn’t have the drive she once had, she didn’t want to work fourteen hours a day, seven days a week. She’d been there, done that and she had a healthy bank balance to show for it.
She loved being with Duncan. They had a lot of interests in common, plus he was funny, considerate, a great cook and she was sure he loved her. But did he love her enough to want to live with her? And if he did, why hadn’t he suggested it?
When she was younger Kerry had always wanted her independence, she’d never needed or wanted a man to lean on. And she still didn’t want to lean on Duncan, she just wanted to share his life. All of it, not just when they had time to see each other. Sometimes she stayed over at his, sometimes he stayed over at hers. Sometimes his work was so frantic that she didn’t see him for a week, sometimes it was her work that kept them apart. There was never any routine. Try sorting out an on-line grocery order for the next ten days when you have no idea where you’ll be eating or how many you’ll be cooking for. It was driving her crazy.
Another thing that drove her crazy was invitations. Christmas, Easter, birthdays, or any old family get together, it was all the same. Her family would say, “Don’t forget to ask Duncan if he’s free, you know he’s welcome.”
Likewise, Duncan would pass on a message to her from his daughter. “Ali says to come round if you want to join us, she says she’s not seen you for ages.”
Now, if they were a “proper” couple, people wouldn’t say, “bring the other one along” as the invite would automatically be for both of them. Sometimes they’d still have the problem of which to go to, especially at Christmas, but the option for them to go separately wouldn’t be there. Although, now she came to think about it, she did know married couples who went to their respective families separately. Luckily Duncan liked her family, and she liked his. Even his ex-wife was nice.
Now here they were, having just survived another Christmas where she ended up at his daughters with no comfortable walking shoes, because she’d forgotten to bring them to Duncan’s. And where Duncan had turned up at her family without his presents because he thought she had them in the bag with her own. And why did she have to come up with present ideas for him to buy her family? If they were a couple, they’d give joint presents.
This wasn’t all about convenience though, it was that Kerry missed Duncan when he wasn’t about. If they lived together then he’d come back to her after an evening playing squash or after taking a client out for a meal. They might not have much time together, but they’d still have time for a cuddle in bed.
It was on the nights when she’d been alone in bed that Kerry had started to give real consideration to her sister’s idea of asking him to marry her. Was it such a stupid idea? She had thought about asking him on Christmas Day, but then realised that only worked if he said yes. If he said no that would ruin everyone’s Christmas. Her sister wouldn’t have wanted her crying all over the turkey!
Which was why she’d decided the ideal time would be New Year’s Eve. They always went out for a meal, and then went back to his place to open champagne and see in the New Year just the two of them. She knew it had to be the best time to pop the question because, if he said no, when better than the first of January for her to start a new life? Not that she wanted a new life, she just wanted a slightly better one than she had now.
December had been hectic, so many of her clients were off to special events, and they all wanted Kerry’s PR firm to make sure that half the world would see pictures of them in their designer dresses and expensive jewellery. So, Kerry hadn’t had a lot of time to think about the possible marriage proposal during this time. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true, it was just that every time she thought about it her stomach started churning.
She wasn’t really a stomach-churning sort of person. She certainly wasn’t fearless but, over the years, she’d learnt not to dwell on things in advance. In her business planning ahead was essential, but she never allowed herself to think about the what ifs. Kerry knew if things were planned well, then they had every chance of being successful, the unexpected couldn’t be anticipated, so there was no point in worrying about it. But her normal strategy of perfect planning wasn’t going to work on this, because how could she plan for Duncan’s response? She couldn’t even work out the odds of him saying yes. If he said a definite no, then she knew the relationship would have to end, but what would she do if he said he’d have to think about it? There were so many possible scenarios they made her head hurt.
It had been reasonably easy to focus on Christmas and ignore the problem, but now it was over and New Year was approaching way too fast. Luckily, Kerry still had the trip to Rome to distract her. Although even that was proving her point about separate houses. After a lovely few days together, Duncan was now driving her back to her place in the early evening so she had time to pack before her 6am start to the airport. She’d volunteered to do this assignment purely to give her space to think. It was just sorting out the pictures and publicity for the upcoming christening of some minor celebrity and she’d be back on the 30th.
“I’ve enjoyed today,” Duncan said, as he drove the twenty-six miles between their respective homes. “I wish you didn’t have to fly off to Italy tomorrow, it would have been great to spend the week together.”
“The next week I have off I need to sort out my spare bedroom, it’s still a mess after the roof leaked in that storm in September,” she replied. He’d said back then that he’d help her, but they’d never found the time when he was staying over. She wondered if now was a good time to bring up the subject of having two houses. But before she could say anything, two green eyes suddenly appeared in the middle of the lane.
“What the…?” Duncan yelled, as he slammed on the brakes. They both heard something hit the car before it came to a complete stop. They jumped out and rushed to the front of the car.
There on the side of the road was a small fox. It looked dazed. Duncan went and sat beside it. It allowed him to run his hands over it. “I don’t think anything is broken,” he said. “It just came out of nowhere. Oh, I hope it’s going to be OK.”
He looked so upset and Kerry could see his hands were shaking. Hers were too.
“Should I see if there’s a vet available?” she asked.
“Let’s just see what happens, it might just be stunned.”
For the next thirty minutes Duncan sat at the roadside speaking gently to the fox. Then suddenly it put a paw on his lap before standing up. It gave itself a good shake and trotted off into the undergrowth.
“Thank heavens, it’s not even limping,” Duncan said with a sigh of relief.
As they got back into the car, Kerry wondered how many of her past fellas would have stayed with the poor animal. Duncan was so caring, so thoughtful, it was what made him so special, why she loved him so much, and why she didn’t want to lose him.
Should she rock the boat?
Italy was a nightmare. The client was demanding and never satisfied, and Kerry was delighted when she was finally back on the plane bound for England. She might only be fifty-five, but she was getting too old to deal with overbearing divas who had more money than sense.
Of course, the nearer London she got, the more her mind switched from difficult clients to difficult decisions. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve.
She called in to see Rose on her way back from the airport.
“I just don’t think I can do it,” she admitted, as they sat chatting at Rose’s kitchen table.
Her husband, who was cleaning some bike part in the sink, turned to look at her. “If we men took that attitude, no one would ever get married,” he laughed. “But I do sympathise. I had a week of sleepless nights before I asked Rose to marry me. I’d never been so nervous about anything in my life. I kept thinking, what if she turns me down, my life will be in ruins.”
“Did you really think I might turn you down?” Rose asked, looking surprised. “I thought you knew how much I loved you.”
“No one can be absolutely sure of these things, and several of my friends had told me you were too good for me.”
“And your mother reckoned I wasn’t good enough,” Rose added.
“But she grew to love you.”
Rose raised one eyebrow. “Maybe! But we are getting away from the point.”
“Not totally.” He looked over at Kerry.
You have to admit, workwise you are a lot more successful than Duncan. And you’ve never struck me as the marrying type.
Rose glared at him. “I don’t think you’re helping.”
He grinned. “Sorry, all I’m saying is, Duncan might not have asked you to marry him because he’s sure you’ll say no and, if that’s the case, you asking him is the perfect solution.”
The restaurant was busy, but they had a corner table with plenty of privacy. Not that Kerry intended to ask the question in a public place. Her brother-in-law had given her another angle to look at things, especially the fact that for years now she’d been saying she never wanted to get married. Had she said this to Duncan in the early days? She couldn’t remember. What if her recent hints hadn’t been strong enough to override things she’d said in the past. She played with the pasta on her plate and wished this evening was over.
They arrived back at Duncan’s just after eleven. He put on some music and brought in two glasses. “Do you want any champagne now, or wait until midnight?”
Part of her desperately wanted a drink. She’d refused wine with dinner because, while they’d taken a taxi to the restaurant, she wanted to be stone cold sober in case she needed to drive home once she’d asked him.
Duncan slipped off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the sofa. She was still pacing up and down the room.
“Are you OK, Kerry?” he asked. “I know you said the trip was exhausting, but you’ve seemed on edge all evening.”
Had she? She thought she’d been covering it up well. Oh, for goodness sake, she told herself sharply, just get on with it.
Actually, there is something on my mind. I’d intended to wait until midnight, but perhaps it’s better I just ask you now.
“Ask me what?” He looked a little intrigued but not overly concerned.
Taking a deep breath, Kerry sunk to one knee and took hold of his hand. “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Duncan, will you marry me?”
He looked as stunned as that poor fox on the roadside. Kerry started to feel sick as he just sat there not saying a word.
Eventually he muttered, “Are you being serious?”
Which was not one of the possible answers she’d considered! After a pause she replied, “Do you want me to be serious, Duncan?”
He sat there just looking at her, his face unreadable. Then like the fox, he suddenly shook himself and came back to life.
“Too right I want you to be serious! But you always said you weren’t the marrying kind, what made you change your mind?”
“I guess it was falling in love with you.”
“Oh Kerry, I’d have asked you to marry me years ago if I’d thought you’d have said yes. I hate us living apart.”
“So do I,” she admitted.
She did briefly wonder what would have happened if he’d asked her years ago. Would she have been ready then? She wasn’t sure, but what did it matter. Now was all that counted.
For the next half an hour, they kissed, drank champagne and talked about where they would live. Then the bells chimed out and it was midnight. Kerry was still in his arms when her phone pinged. It was a text from Rose. It said: Were you brave and is it going to be a Happy New Year?
Kerry grinned to herself. She supposed she had been brave, and yes it looked like it was going to be a very Happy New Year.
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