Diary of A Modern Gran | Advice From A Stranger
“Please don’t drop it,” I besiege my six-year-old granddaughter Rose.
She’s standing on a chair at our kitchen peninsular, holding one of my precious bowls – a lovely translucent green dating back to the 1930s – high up in the air.
Rose has a wicked sense of humour. “Don’t worry Gan Gan,” she giggles. “I won’t.”
Meanwhile, her five-year-old brother George is in on the act. He’s standing on a chair next to her trying to grab it.
“Perfect!’” says the photographer. “I’ve got it.”
Phew. I rescue my bowl before it gets dropped accidentally in the excitement. Then I help Rose and George off their chairs. (Don’t worry. I was within grabbing position in case they fell.)
That’s right. We’re in the middle of a photo session. It’s for a piece I’ve written for a national newspaper about how to deal with visiting children if they come into your house and wreck it.
Not all the photos were as terrifying. We had great fun being photographed playing the piano, making cakes, reading stories and playing charades.
Now I don’t know about you but I’m not keen on having my photograph taken. I never know which way to look when someone points a lens at me. My face seems to freeze and I’m incapable of achieving that natural glowing pose which many of my granny friends can do. In fact, I’m amazed every time I’m let through customs as my photograph doesn’t look anything like me!
Or so I like to think.
But small children seem to have this wonderful ability to be natural in front of the camera. Well, some of them. Then they often reach an age – hard to pinpoint it exactly – when they become self-conscious and want to wriggle out of sight.
My two grandchildren haven’t reached that yet. So we have great fun during our photographic session. There’s a lot of laughter and it was a great way to spend a Sunday morning.
Yet it made me think. If only we could capture our children’s and grandchildren’s confidence and make sure they keep it all through their lives.
“You can,” says a wise (older) granny friend who also happens to be a psychologist. “Confidence is all about feeling good in yourself and other members of the family can help do that. Praise the things they do and make suggestions rather than criticise.”
Seems like good advice. What do you think? Were you a confident child? How do you try and make your grandchildren confident? Do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Hope and warmth from a stranger…
On Tuesday I made my weekly six-and-a-half-hour visit to my father and stepmother in their care home. On the way, I had to change at Clapham Junction. As I got off my train, I noticed a woman who – at a guess was in her late seventies or eighties – struggling with a suitcase. So of course I helped her onto her next platform.
It turned out that she was going home to a place where I used to spend several summers with my cousins.
I then told her where I was going and found myself describing how difficult it was now that my father is barely conscious.
She squeezed my hand and looked straight into my eyes.
“Keep talking dear,” she said. “He will still be able to hear you. Trust me.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Then I saw her safely into her train.
As she left, I was filled with a sense of hope and warmth. It also occurred to me that a stranger had held my hand after a time when we’ve all been terrified of touching anyone. It made me realise how wonderful it is that each generation can pass down advice to another. Yet at the same time, I’m always telling my grandchildren not to talk to people they don’t know….
I actually missed my own train connection because of our chat. But it was worth it for so many reasons.
On my way to the care home, I had to drop in to my father’s bungalow to get some more clothes for him. As I did so, I saw some photographs on the windowsill of the little third bedroom that he’d made into his “office”. They were pictures of my grandchildren that I’d given him a couple of years ago. My father is not often one for expressing emotion but I was touched that he kept these photos in his favourite room in the house.
When I reached the care home, he was fast asleep. It turned out that he had nodded off only an hour earlier. So if I hadn’t missed the train, I might have caught him. But I sat by the side of his bed until 10pm that night, holding his hand and talking to him.
Just before I left, I took out the photographs of my grandchildren and put them on the windowsill of his care home. I don’t know if he can see them.
But I like to think he knows they are there.
Ask Agony Gran
Thanks to Claire from London for asking this very practical question.
“I’d like some advice on teaching children to cross the road. I collect my eight and six-year-old grandchildren from school every day. I often see some of the other children run across without looking properly. I’ve told mine that they must never do that. Instead, I’ve taught them the ‘look right and left and right again’ which is what I was told as a child. I did the same with my children. Is that still the right way to do it?”
Jane says:
Good question. It’s important for us to keep up with different ways of doing things that we did in our day. You can get some great advice from ROSPA, an organisation that helps to prevent accidents. They have some good films online for different age ranges from pre-school to Key Stage 2. You can phone them on 0121 248 2000 or 0121 248 2001 or email help@rospa.com. You can also go online and see the films on the internet by logging onto www.rospa.com.
If you’d like advice on a problem, do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
They Funny Things They Do
Thanks to Jilly for sending this one in.
“My ten-year-old grandson wanted roller skates for his birthday. It reminded me of the time I used to roller skate with my sister when we were children. I told him and he said, ‘Why don’t you buy a pair for yourself too, gran?’ So I did! Now we both go roller skating at our local rink! It’s great fun and we have some lovely ‘together time’.”
We love this, Jilly. In fact, it’s made us think we ought to get our skates on…
Family Newsflash
Looking after grandchildren can keep you young according to a survey by the University of Brighton. What do you think? Do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Your Feedback
Last week, we asked if you’d bumped into an old friend. Thanks to Dan, a grandad who emailed with his story. “When I started taking my grandson to the local playgroup at the library, I was amazed to bump into another grandad who I’d been at school with. We’d been good friends but drifted apart. Now we have a lot to talk about! And our grandchildren seem to hit it off as well.”
Children’s Book of the Week
Each week I’ll highlight a wonderful story book to enjoy with your grandkids.
This week it’s The Magic Flute by Jessica Courtney-Tickle (illustrator) and Katy Flint (author), from The Story Orchestra series. It’s available in hardback from Frances Lincoln Publishers, £16.99.
A lovely interactive book where you can hear and see this magical story of a prince, princes and a magic flute. Just press the buttons! A wonderful way to introduce grandchildren to classical music.
If you’d like to recommend a children’s book, do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Looking For A New Book For Yourself?
Harold is coming towards the end of his life. He’s had a long and eventful one, going back to the Second World War. But as he approaches the inevitable, family secrets start to unravel. Who killed him? And why?
We All Have Our Secrets by Jane Corry was the “best psychological thriller of the summer” according to one national newspaper. Available from supermarkets, bookshops and online.
