Diary of A Modern Gran | Poppies & Old Friends
My week is falling into its newish routine. On a Tuesday, I get up early to start my six and a half hour journey to my father’s care home. I spent two days with him and my stepmother who is in the floor above. Then I get home late on Wednesday in time to do my granny school run on Thursday.
Thank heavens for the normality that the children bring. “Can we buy a puppy?” asks my five-year-old grandson George as he runs into my arms.
“A puppy?” I ask. “We’ll need to ask Mummy.”
“But she said I could and she gave me money to get one,” he pleads, opening up his warm little hand to show me. There is a £2 coin inside.
“They’re selling them in the playground,” he adds desperately.
It turns out that he means a poppy!
“Do you know why we wear poppies?” I ask him.
“It’s to remember people who died in wars,” says six-year-old Rose who has joined us with her plaits flapping and school bag half-slung round her shoulders.
“Yes,” I say, “but do you know why we wear poppies and not another flower?”
They shake their heads.
So I explain about poppies growing in fields where some of our men and women fought. Of course there’s much more to it than that but I don’t want to confuse them. After that, we went home and made some Christmas decorations from a set we bought at our local charity shop. Thought you might like to see a picture!
Meanwhile, every morning, at 7 am, my father’s care home rings to tell me what his night has been like. The night before last, I woke with a start at 4 am. I often do this but usually manage to get back to sleep thanks to Headspace, an app which I tell everyone about because it’s really helped me through, along with prayer.
But this time I couldn’t sleep so I went upstairs to my office to continue going through the proofs for my next year’s novel.
When the care home made its usual 7 am phone call, I was told that my father had woken at 4 am and was calling out for me.
I felt like jumping on a train immediately but they said he’d fallen asleep again. He’s sleeping quite a lot now as I discovered during last week’s visit.
In some ways, that’s a blessing but I just want to talk to him as we were doing two weeks ago when he was more awake.
“How is Grandad?” ask my adult children when they ring. “Can we chat to him on the phone?”
I tried to explain that he’s beyond that now.
There are some lighter moments. In the home there is an amazing woman who organises activities for the more able residents, including my stepmother. While my father was sleeping, there was a rendition in the lounge next door of Vera Britain’s wartime songs which my stepmother and others took part in.
My father was sleeping, obliviously. However, it took me back to some of the stories he used to tell me about the war.
One which stands out is the time that the police turned up on the doorstep of my grandparents’ house with my father’s briefcase. They assumed with horror that he’d been hurt in a blast. I can only imagine the relief when he turned up in person half an hour later.
Another was when my father told me about the actress Olivia de Havilland who visited the factory where he worked as an aeronautical engineer during the war.
This reminds me. I really must write down these stories for my children and grandchildren…
Just as I left Daddy to go back home, he woke. His lips moved and I swear he sounded like “Happy birthday”. Am I imagining it? Then he said it again. I am flabbergasted. How on earth could he know my birthday was coming up? He’s so confused now that he can’t possibly be aware of dates or times.
“He might be more aware than you realise,” says a medical friend. So when I go down next, I will continue to read to him and tell him stories.
After all, it’s easy to assume that babies and young children don’t understand. But isn’t this how they learn to speak?
Being away for two days a week, makes me even more aware of how my grandchildren Rose and George are growing, both physically and mentally. My birthday happened to fall on a Saturday which was wonderful because they were both at home. I met them in town in the morning where they were busy choosing books from the library with their parents.
“Look,” said Rose jumping up and down. “I’ve got a joke book!” She then proceeded to read some out with great glee as we walked back home along the sea.
What a great way to get children interested in words! Some of the jokes were the old favourites like “Why did the tomato blush?” Answer: “Because it saw the salad dressing.” My mother taught me that one when I was a child! I love the way that certain jokes are timeless
Then we went to their place for present opening and mid-morning birthday cake. They’d given me a garden voucher because I hope to grow roses in my allotment. I’m one of those gardeners who is pretty hopeless but won’t stop trying. My vegetables didn’t do very well this year so I thought maybe flowers might be better. And I also got a massage voucher. What a treat!
But perhaps the best birthday present was that my daughter and son-in-law had also cleverly organised my boys and my youngest’s girlfriend to Zoom in during the birthday cake singing. It’s a rare treat to get all three of them together, even on a screen.
Yet it was my birthday cards which really made me think. I’m so lucky to have friends that keep in touch, both from the past and the present. One card was from my best childhood friend. We drifted apart about 15 years ago and then, two months ago, she spotted me from the top of a bus when she happened to be on holiday in our seaside town. (She didn’t know I lived there!). She sent me a text, not even sure that I had the same phone number. Now we speak every week!
Another card was from a student at a college where I taught creative writing during my single mother years. She is a granny too. Soon after the course started, she had a stroke and hasn’t been well now for some years. But she’s always jolly and we often text, swapping granny stories.
On Remembrance Sunday, I joined many others in our town outside our church for the remembrance roll call.
As always, my heart swelled with gratitude and grief.
Right now, I’m getting ready for my next trip to Daddy. I keep my suitcase, already packed, in the spare room in case of emergencies. We’re not quite sure what’s going to happen from one week to the next. But one thing is clear.
Love, friendship and gratitude are so important. Don’t you agree?
Have you bumped into an old friend after many years? I’d love to know. You can get in touch by emailing moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Ask Agony Gran
Thanks to A from Swindon who sent this problem in.
“I have always been very close to my grandson since he was a baby. We don’t live near each other but we would talk on the phone every Sunday and he’d come and stay with me sometimes. Now he’s 16 and doesn’t call as often as he used to. When we do, I feel he doesn’t want to talk. When I asked if he wanted to stay at Christmas, he said he was busy with school work and friends. I feel so sad that we seem to have lost our closeness. Do you have any advice?”
Jane says:
That must be very painful for you. I’m so sorry. Strangely enough, one of my friends was telling me something similar about her granddaughter only recently. We decided that maybe it was a ‘stage’ thing. Many of us have seen the same with our own children as they’ve grown up. There are times in their lives when they are closer to us – or not closer – than others.
If I were you, I’d hang on in there with regular calls or maybe texts. Perhaps you could suggest a fun day out at Christmas doing something that you know he’d like to do. Or maybe you could do this at Easter or summer instead. The Christmas holidays aren’t that long and your grandson has probably got a lot of course work to do. There’s so much pressure nowadays for children.
You could also have a quiet word with his parents, explaining how you feel. They might not know you’re hurt and it could help you to get it off your chest. Good luck.
If you’d like to share a problem with us (it can be anonymous) write to moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Funny things They Say
Thanks to Viv who sent this in.
“I was recently crossing the road with my five-year-old grandson and telling him to listen out for cars. ‘But some cars don’t make any noise,’ he said. ‘Not if they’re electric.’
He’s right but I was still taken back to find he knew that!”
We’re impressed too, Viv. You’ve got a bright boy there!
If you’d like to tell us about something funny that your grandchildren have done or said, please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Family News
A new campaign has been launched by HealthWatch England, to help the maternal mental health of new mums. If you know someone who has given birth in the last two years, you might like to pass on this link. https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/MaternalMentalHealthSurvey/
Children’s Book Of The Week
Each week I’ll pick out a lovely children’s book, or share a reader’s pick. Great ideas for children’s stocking fillers this Christmas!
Grannysaurus by David Walliams and Adam Stower. Age three upwards. Harper Collins Children’s Books, £12.99
One night, Spike creeps downstairs to find that his granny has turned into a dinosaur! Not only that, but there’s a granny disco. What a great idea!
Jane Corry is the author of seven best-selling novels about families. (Published by Penguin.) You can check them out on her website www.janecorryauthor.com. Available from bookshops, supermarkets and Amazon.
