Diary of A Modern Gran | Granny Cleans Up Her Act
“Wow, Mum,” said my daughter when she comes round to swap the children’s seats from her car to mine. “Have you been burgled?”
She’s joking. At least, I think she is. But she has a point. The innards of my ancient Polo are, I must confess, a terrible mess.
Let me explain. This isn’t actually my car. In fact, it belongs to my eldest son who works abroad. I miss him terribly, but the plus side is that I can use his car as a run-around for the children.
How I love it when it’s my turn to pick up from school! It warms my heart to see their little rosy cheeks as they run towards me, arms outstretched, and tell me the stories of the day.
Rose, six and George, five, also love it when I pick them up because I bring them all kinds of treats that they’re not usually allowed.
“What have you got today?” they’ll ask as I strap them into their seats.
The menu changes according to my memory. Sometimes I forget and have to dash round the corner for top-up supplies of cheese snacks or chocolate biscuit bars on the way to school. They also love those little cartons of juices in the same way that they love individual packets of cereal. I think it’s something to do with the ‘mine’ factor.
But before I can dish out the goodies, we all have to have the hand san. Whoops! It’s going all over the car seats. Oh well. It’s just one more stain to add to the others.
Naturally, I don’t let Rose and George eat while I’m driving, for safety reasons. Someone I know once had to make an emergency stop when one of her grandchildren began choking on a crisp. Luckily, all was well but it might not have been. So we have our snacks in the car before I start driving home.
I say ‘we’ because even though I’m trying to limit my chocolate intake, I can’t resist having a little bit too. After all, the driver deserves a perk.
“What shall we do with the rubbish?” asks Rose.
“You know,” says George. “Just throw it on the floor like we always do.”
I have to say that although we’re only into week three of full-time school, George’s speech has come on in leaps and bounds. Sometimes too much so! He’s obviously got me sussed out when it comes to rubbish bins and the car floor!
The irony is that one of my ‘new term’ resolutions was to keep the car tidier. But I’ve obviously failed, judging from this sea of silver foil wrappers and empty cartons.
The boot isn’t much better. It’s a hatchback car so it’s quite easy to lob any rubbish into the back.
This actually reminds me of a story I’m not very proud of. When my eldest was about seven, he and his sister were in the back of the car while I was driving back from the supermarket. I think I was pregnant with the youngest at the time although it’s a bit of a blur now.
Anyway, when we got home, I discovered that my eldest had a can of lager in his hands. His sister proudly informed me that when I was driving (my back was turned, obviously), he’d reached into the boot and helped himself from the top of a shopping bag.
“WHAT????” I yelled.
I immediately rang Casualty, terrified that someone might cart me off as a bad mother. But the nurse reassured me. He’d only taken a sip or two, judging from the contents left inside. Phew…
I hasten to add here that there is no booze in the car when I pick up the children. In fact, I gave up alcohol 15 years ago but that’s another story.
All right then, I’ll tell you. I had a general anaesthetic for something and it changed my taste buds. Quite healthy, actually!
Back to the rubbish in the car. The front isn’t much better since it’s littered with kitchen roll (always handy for blowing snotty noses) ; an old-fashioned map because, unlike my phone satnav, it doesn’t have a battery that can run out; gloves which don’t match from last winter; and an empty sunglass case.
“I have the same problem,” says a granny friend of mine. “But then I found one of those rubbish bins which attaches to the dashboard with a kind of suction pad. It’s really handy for putting rubbish in.”
So I did a search on the Internet and I’ve ordered something. I’ll let you know if it’s any good.
Meanwhile, it’s the weekend and I’ve decided that I really ought to take my son’s car to the car wash at the garage. I do a quick whizz round with the machine vacuum, trying to beat the clock before the money runs out. I tackle those chocolate crumbs that have become ground into that ‘can’t quite get into ‘ crease in the car seats and I also find that school reading book which we’ve been looking for. Oh dear. Rose had needed that for homework.
I also find the sunglasses to match the case in front. And in the boot is a bag of compost that I’ve been looking for everywhere. Success!
Meanwhile, the garage vacuum machine is making a noise to show that it’s finished. It’s like being on a quiz show where you have to beat the clock!
Done it. Wow. My son’s car looks very clean and tidy. But somehow it lacks that homely touch.
Never mind. By this time next week, it will be back to its old self…..
Does anyone else have any stories about untidy cars and school runs? And why is it that our cars are often a mess when we pride ourselves on having clean homes? I’d love to know your thoughts!
Toddlers and the elderly
My dad has entered a new stage. He has become very repetitive. He’ll ask the same question over and over again. And he will also write down our phone numbers, even though there’s no need because he is still very capable of finding our names on his mobile phone and getting through with one click.
I know this because he rings us on average once an hour. I don’t always get there on time and when I do, it’s busy because he’s leaving a message on the answer phone. Then I ring him back.
It’s incredible that he can do any of this, given that he is 99. But it does require a lot of patience on everyone’s part.
‘Can you tell me your phone number again,’ he’ll ask on FaceTime. We go through each digit and just as we get to the end he’ll go back to the beginning again.
His carer today is a lovely, patient, kind man.
“Old people are like little children,” he says to me.
I do know that but I want him to say it again. Just like my father, I take comfort in the repetition. I know the carer is trying to reassure me. And for that, I’m grateful.
My father also gets terribly worried about money. And rightly so. It’s frightening that you can work hard all your working life to have some savings after retirement and then find you have to spend it on care.
‘Why did I bother pinching and scraping if it’s all going to go?’ he asks not unreasonably.
In fact, you are allowed a certain amount of money before the state steps in. But it’s all very complicated.
If you’re navigating your way through this with parents or yourself, I found that Age UK can help. Log on to ageuk.org.uk or ring 0800 678 1602.
Also check out gov.uk for details on how the cost of fees will change in 2023. It says – and I quote – that “from October 2023, the government will introduce a new £86,000 cap on the amount that anyone in England will need to spend on their personal care over their lifetime.”
Ask Agony Gran
Thanks to Eve who sent this in:
One of my grandsons has started secondary school and has picked up one or two words which I don’t approve of. I’ve asked him not to say them in front of me but he thinks it’s funny. My daughter-in-law says I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it because she thinks it will encourage him. But I’m embarrassed, especially as he said one of the words when we were out shopping together the other day. We have always had a close relationship but I’m worried this is going to be damaged.
JANE SAYS: We do feel for you. Many of us grandparents are caught in the middle when it comes to what grandchildren should and shouldn’t do. It’s not as though they are our own children and yet at times, they feel as though they are!
However, I think we’re entitled to set certain boundaries especially if they are in our company. Perhaps you could explain to your grandson that if he wants to use words like that, it’s up to him. But you’d prefer it if he didn’t do so in front of you because it upsets you. You say you’ve had a close relationship so hopefully this will appeal to his better instincts.
Maybe you could tell him some stories about things you did when you were younger that your grandparents or parents didn’t like. This might help him see that you don’t expect him to be perfect and that we all make mistakes.
Perhaps your daughter-in-law has a point when she says it’s best not to go on about it. Perhaps he’s just trying to fit in with a new environment. Maybe try concentrate on things you and your grandson do together. You say you were shopping together the other day, which is nice. If you continue to have quality time together, he might be more inclined to watch his language. Good luck.
If you’d like to share a problem with us (confidentially) please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
The funny things they do and say
Thank you so much to Shirley who sent this in. It really made me laugh. If you’d like to send a ‘funny’ in, please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
My granddaughters Ella and Ivy love it when Grandad does magic tricks for them. Ivy told her mommy that Grandad is ‘the trickiest person I know’.
Family newsflash
Grandparents who stopped caring for their grandchildren (or did less than usual) during the pandemic, often felt depressed and experienced a lower quality of life according to a recent scientific study. I certainly felt this way during the first lockdown, before we were allowed to form a bubble. Did it affect you? If so, have you recovered? We’d like to know. Please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Children’s book(s) of the week
Thanks to Sarah Proctor, part of the editorial team at My Weekly, for suggesting these books! There’s something very special about ‘old favourites’, don’t you think?
“I have some fabulous books to recommend from my kids’ early years (20 years ago)…
NEED A TRIM, JIM BY KAYE UMANSKY AND MARGARET CHAMBERLAIN. PUBLISHED BY RED FOX £7.78
For any young barber-phobes out there, try Need A Trim, Jim, chunks of which I can still recite: “Look at Jim! He needs a trim. His hair’s so long, he cannot see. He falls down stairs, bumps into chairs and has such trouble with his tea.”
It provides lots of laughs as well as contrasting hairstyles for kids to identify with (“Here comes Shirley, blonde and curly, 20 brush strokes every day”). Hopefully, it will lead to a calm and satisfactory trip to the hairdresser for other kids too!
THE BRAVEST EVER BEAR BY ALLAN AHLBERG AND PAUL HOWARD. PUBLISHED BY WALKER BOOKS. PRICES VARY.
“Then there’s The Bravest Ever Bear, which treats fairy tales in a humorously cavalier, modern way.
We all (parents and kids) cried with laughter over it and we still say after a large meal, “Put me to bed but don’t bend me.” Perfect for worldly-wise, slightly older children.”
JANE SAYS: If you’d like to recommend a children’s book – however old or new – please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
And now – a book for you!
Harold is coming towards the end of his life. He’s had a long and eventful one, going back to the Second World War. But as he approaches the inevitable, family secrets start to unravel.
Who killed him? And why?
We All Have Our Secrets by Jane Corry is the “best psychological thriller of the summer” according to one national newspaper. Four-star rating on Good Reads! Available from supermarkets, bookshops and online. You can also follow Jane on Twitter and Instagram: @janecorryauthor
