Diary of A Modern Gran | Gran Scares Grandchildren
“Gan Gan,” says six-year-old Rose with a horrified expression on her face. “You look scary!”
Oh dear. Do I?
I’ve just arrived at their place, a day after my minor op.
It’s left me with some pretty dramatic bruising on my cheekbones which suggests I’ve done a couple of rounds in a boxing ring. (Not true!) Reassuringly, the doctor says this is entirely normal. But meanwhile, it’s not a pretty sight.
I’ve been wearing sunglasses since the op but had forgotten to put them on before seeing my grandchildren. Now I’m desperately rustling for them in my handbag.
“What’s happened to your face?” asks five year old George coming into the room.
This is slightly ironic as regular readers might remember that George has had a peculiar fungal rash on his own face, which is only just beginning to fade.
“I had to have a little operation,” I say, lightly. “But my face will mend soon.”
At least I hope it will. Has anyone heard of bruises that don’t go away? Second thoughts, don’t tell me.
Then we get down to serious stuff like playing with George’s new Batmobile birthday present while my daughter takes Rose off to her swimming lesson.
Every now and then, my sunglasses slip. But neither George nor Batman seem to notice. In fact, I’m the one who feels uneasy.
Mind you, one of my writer friends lost a tooth the other month when biting into a sandwich. It’s left him with an impressive gap. “My grandchildren think it’s great,” he grins. “In fact it’s give me inspiration for a pirate story!”
Meanwhile, I decide to apply a traditional child-rearing technique to myself. Distraction! So a couple of days later, when we’re at our place, I get out the Lego set which I bought for George as a birthday present.
“I wanted to do that first,” says my husband.
He’s not joking.
“But it’s George’s,” I say. “I bought it for him.”
He makes a disappointed face. “I thought I could assemble it first.”
Please! Who is the child here?
In the end, we compromise. I have to admit here that construction is not my thing. But somehow, we all get involved building a Lego treasure island on the kitchen table. It’s surprisingly soothing and takes my mind off my throbbing face. But then I get to the stage where I simply can’t work out which bit goes where. George and my husband are streets ahead.
So Rose and I turn to painting. I root out the old painting set that my godmother gave me back in the early 60s as well as a “how to paint flowers book” which has been giving me inspiration. Wow! This is really good. Rose has drawn a poppy!
The very next morning, there is an article in the paper about a schoolgirl who started painting during the virus. Her paintings are now selling for thousands of pounds!
“Better keep Rose’s picture safe,” advises my husband. “One day, when she’s famous, that could be worth quite a bit.”
In fact, I’ve decided – with the parents’ permission – to have it made into printed cards. The only thing is that I need to get George to do a painting as well otherwise it won’t be fair.
Being fair is important as a parent. But it’s just as important as a grandparent too. Don’t you think? Every time I drop a kiss on one of their little heads, I drop another on the other’s as well. I have a friend – in her 70s – who still feels sad that her grandmother clearly favoured her older brother.
Luckily, I think we’re all far more aware of fairness nowadays. As my mother used to say, each child is different but you love them all the same.
Meanwhile, we’re really getting into the swing of the new term.
As I explained to my column last week, my daughter has got a new job which is very exciting! I’m not needed so much now they’re both at full-time school apart from doing one pick-up a week. It feels very different from when they were little and I had two of them during the day. I rather miss those days!
The plus is that when it’s holiday time, I’m going to have them more often. I’m already planning our days.
Anyway, all this reminds me of the various changes I went through as a young mum. First, my three were at home all the time and then they gradually drifted off to nursery school and school until the day when they drove me to school with an L plate. (Scary!)
But I don’t want to think of that right now. I just want to enjoy each day as it comes.
Excuse me. I need to go soon. The children are coming round for Sunday lunch. It’s raining cats and dogs so we can’t go out to play. But never mind.
My husband has got the Lego set out for the next stage of competitive construction.
And my granddaughter is going to paint her next masterpiece. Watch this space!
Meanwhile, tomorrow, I am back at the hospital to have plaster strips removed and for the consultant to check the stitches have dissolved. The bruises are better than they were although they’re still pretty obvious. But the funny thing is that my grandchildren seem to have got used to it!
Older Parents and Working Gran
I can’t quite finish this column without updating you onto other things. Thanks to those of you who’ve got in touch about elderly parents. It certainly seems that there are a lot of us with parents who don’t want to accept help and insist they can manage on their own. Although this doesn’t solve the situation, it’s helpful to know we are not alone, don’t you think?
I also wanted to share part of my working week with you. I’m at an exciting stage where next year’s book is almost finished. There are several checking processes which go into making a novel.
I find that one of the most useful is reading it aloud. Somehow, one catches all kinds of errors which can slip past if you are reading it silently. But this is quite a big task when a book is 90,000 words. It’s also wearing on the vocal chords!
So I’ve worked out – with the help of some online support – how to get the computer to read it back to me.
I keep having to stop the audio to make corrections but it’s definitely worth it.
It strikes me that it’s a good idea to read everything back aloud to ourselves in life – whether it’s a letter or an email or a text etc.
Once words are said, it’s difficult to take them back, isn’t it? Still there are three words which are closest to my heart when it comes to my grandchildren. “I love you”.
Ask Agony Gran – My Teenage Grandchildren won’t Stop Arguing
Thanks to Lauren for getting in touch with a problem that might ring bells with some of you.
“My grandchildren are 15 and 13. They are both girls. They’ve never been very close but recently it seems to be all out war. One of them does better at school than the other which has caused problems between them. Their rivalry got worse during lockdown and it’s stayed that way. My son and daughter-in-law are upset by this and have asked me to talk to them (they’re all coming to stay with me at half term). But I don’t know what to say. My son always got on well with his brother. But I didn’t get on with my older sister and I don’t want history to repeat itself.”
Jane says:
Family is not always easy, is it? Some might expect two girls who are close in age to get on but of course it’s not the case. In fact, the age gap might make it worse because it can fuel competition. On the plus side, it’s flattering that your son and daughter-in-law want your help with this. On the other hand, it puts quite a lot of responsibility on you.
If it was me, I’d ask other grandparent friends if they’ve had any experience of this. You might be surprised at how people hide things. It can be very helpful and also consoling to know you’re not alone.
I’d also start planning some one-to-one activities that you can do with each granddaughter when they come to stay. See if you can have some individual time when you can gently ask how life is going. You might be able to mention that you’ve heard there’ve been some arguments. Your granddaughters might find it a relief to talk to you, especially as you’re one step removed from their parents. Allow them to let their feelings out. Listen rather than judge. Tell them that you are sorry they don’t get on but that you are always be there if needed.
I’d also do some joint activities with them that might make them laugh. This might be playing tennis or roller skating (if you’re fit enough) or playing board games. Watch funny films. Go through your wardrobe with them and ask them to give you advice. This might encourage them to work as a team. If they give you conflicting advice, acknowledge the pros of each one.
I might also go through old photograph albums and tell them family stories. This can be a uniting factor.
You say that your two sons always got on well. I wonder if you could invite your other son and his family over too? Maybe a cousin get-together might help tension.
Finally, we sometimes have to accept that some relatives don’t rub along easily for various reasons. But take heart. This can change at different stages of their lives. I’m sorry to hear about you and your sister. But it doesn’t mean the same pattern will be repeated. Some siblings become better friends as they get older. Meanwhile, you will have done your best. Good luck.
The Funny things They Say
Thanks to Sandy for sending this in.
“I’ve just got a mobility scooter. My nine year’s grandson is very impressed.”
“I can’t wait to have one of those when I am grown up,” he told me.
News Flash
A new NHS test that allows doctors to spot a rare form of eye cancer in babies in the womb, has just started in UK hospitals. Treatment can then begin as soon as baby is born. For more details, visit www.england.nhs.uk.
Children’s Book of the Week
Every week I’ll share a treasured book that I’ve read to my grandchildren, or a book suggested by you. Do send your suggestions to moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
This week it’s My First Lift-The-Flap Nursery Rhymes by Ingela P Arrhenius (Nosy Crow, £12.99).
This lovely bright book is a joy to read! There’s something magical about lift-the-flap books, don’t you think?
Please Get In Touch!
We’d love to hear from you! Do email us with your news and views by clicking moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Looking For A New Book?
“You know she’s lying – but so are you.” Harold is coming towards the end of his life. But as he approaches the inevitable, family secrets start to unravel. Who killed him? And why?
We All Have Our Secrets by Jane Corry is the “best psychological thriller of the summer” according to one national newspaper. Four-star rating on Good Reads! Available from supermarkets, bookshops and online. You can also follow Jane on Twitter and Instagram: @janecorryauthor
