Diary of A Modern Gran | Three-tiered Family
It’s been a strange week. I’m sure, like me, you’ve experienced a loss of loved ones. That week after the funeral seems rather unreal, doesn’t it? And even though we weren’t related, it feels that way now after the Queen has been laid to rest.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence that this last week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster in my life.
Regular readers will know that I’m part of that triple-filling sandwich generation where I am lucky enough to have children, grandchildren and one parent. I’m also still a working Gran.
That’s why, three days after speaking at a literary festival in Scotland and two days after the royal funeral, I’m on a train from the sea up to London. How exciting! I’m having a catch-up lunch with my publisher and agent. But there is a problem.
Actually, there are two.
The first is that my father is becoming increasingly stressed. So after my work meeting, I’m planning on getting another train to his home. This means that I won’t be back in time on the Thursday to collect my grandchildren from school.
It’s not great timing.
My daughter and son-in-law have both recently started new jobs. However, they are very understanding and the children are going to go to after-school club. Again, it’s not brilliant because little George has only just started school and gets tired at the end of the day.
I feel as though I have let them down. But I am torn in both directions.
The second problem is that I manage to go to the wrong place for my publisher lunch! My agent kindly sent me the link for the restaurant but it turns out that there are two of the same name. Yes! You’ve guessed what happened.
By the time I find the right one, I am half an hour late. Again, both my publisher and agent are very kind about it.
But I feel really stupid. If I’d scrolled further down on the link I was sent, I would have spotted that there was a second restaurant. That will teach me. In fact it makes wonder whether I could slip it into a novel as a plot twist along the lines of “heroine arrives at the wrong location”.
The irony is that when I got to the first restaurant, the waiter told me that my sister was waiting for me at a table! He’s assumed that a blonde stranger and I were related. Yes – there’s definitely a book idea there!
After lunch, I’ve booked an appointment with a London manicurist because I’m having a small operation on Monday.
No – this isn’t vanity!
When I went for my pre-op, I was told by the nurse that I had to have my acrylic nails removed beforehand. It’s something to do with reading oxygen levels. I started having my nails done when I got published because I was so ashamed of them when I began signing books.
But there wasn’t time to go to my local manicurist with all the travelling in the last few weeks. So I booked one online near London Bridge. However, it turned out to be much further than I realised and by the time I got there, I was 15 minutes late.
They could do me in half an hour but then I would miss my early evening lunch with my youngest son before seeing my father.
Oh no! The following day I am due to go into isolation in readiness for the op.
So I simply have to have my nails removed or else they won’t allow me into theatre.
But I also need to see my boy.
So I take a chance and walk back to where we were meeting. hoping to find a salon. Yes – there is one! And wonder of wonders, someone is free to do me there and then.
I know from some of your letters and emails, that we don’t always have as much time with our adult children as we would like. So it is a real delight to catch up with my youngest – the “baby” — who is 31!
I still marvel at the fact that he is so much taller than me! He and his girlfriend are about to buy their first flat. I’m excited for them but also nervous, especially in view of all the news about mortgage rates. I remember how his dad and I bought our first flat in 1978 just after we were married and would panic about how we could pay the bills.
But sitting and chatting to them over a veggie pizza, fills my heart with warmth. It’s so lovely to share their enthusiasm.
Maybe it’s just as well that I have this emotional fuel to boost me. Next stop is a three-hour journey down to my dad and stepmother.
My sister and I are trying our very best to sort out the situation. But it isn’t easy when they both have different ideas. My stepmother says she would like to go into a home but my father is adamant that he won’t.
So it has to be said that I come home with a heavy heart. By now, it’s too late to see my grandchildren before they go to bed. Then the following day I have to isolate.
On a lighter side, this has provided some humorous moments. My husband and I are not even meant to be in the same room together! So we will call out to the other if one of us wants to use the kitchen!
On the Saturday morning, the phone rings. It’s George and Rose! They’re in the car on the way to Wales to see my son-in-law’s parents and the rest of his family including their month old cousin. “We’ve bought my teddy to show the new baby,” sings Rose on loudspeaker.
“And I brought my robot,” calls out George. This was a birthday present from my sister who always hits the right note when it comes to gifts.
I wonder what the baby will make of that!
Do you have a four generation family? If so, I’d love to know about your ups and downs. Email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Ask Agony Gran
Thanks to Helen for sending this in.
“I’ve been asked to have my grandchildren over for a sleepover. They are aged four and six. I’ve had them on my own before but only for a couple of hours at a time, during the day. I’m a bit worried about it in case they start crying for their parents. My daughter and her husband are going to a wedding several miles away so I won’t be able to get them back quickly. I’m also worried about making the house childproof. Have you got any advice?”
Jane says:
“Sleepovers! I can still remember what fun they were as a child. But you’re right. When you become a grandparent, it’s quite a responsibility. If it was me, I’d ask the parents for a list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to their evening routine.
“For example, what time do they usually go to bed? What if they can’t sleep? Do they have any soothing solutions such as a favourite nursery rhyme or song? What if they say they’re still hungry after supper? Is a late snack allowed? Do they sometimes fall out of bed? If so, are there any bed guards? Are they sleeping near you so you can hear them? Is there a baby alarm you could have – even though they’re not babies? Can you put a stairgate in the room you’re putting them in?”
“At the same time, this is a great opportunity for bonding and chilling out together. Maybe you could tell your grandchildren stories about Mummy as a baby. Perhaps you have some books or toys from her day. How about looking through family albums. You could also start some new traditions such as giving them their own special plates and mugs and getting up early and going for an exploratory walk before eating.
“I’ve actually only ever done three sleepovers because I find it easier to go to them. (On all three occasions, I ended up sleeping on the floor next to them because my singalong nursery songs sent me to sleep too!) But I do plan on doing more sleepovers this winter.
“I’ll let you know how I get on! That’s the great thing about this column. We’re all learning together! It’s also a good way to share ideas.”
The Funny Things They Say
Thanks to John for sending this in.
“My youngest grandson has just started school for the first time. I rang him and asked how his first day went.”
He replied. “It was ok. But I can’t wait for the last.”
“That made me chuckle. Hopefully, he’s got a long time for that…”
It made us smile too, John. If your grandchildren or your children have said or done anything funny, do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Family News Flash
One in six children aged five to 16 were identified as having a probable mental health problem according to a survey by Young Minds. This is an increase from one in nine in 2017.
What can we do about this? Do email us with your thoughts and suggestions on moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk
Children’s Book Of The Week
Each week I’ll recommend a great book that I’ve enjoyed reading with my grandchildren.
Our Queen Elizabeth: Her Extraordinary Life from the Crown to the Corgis paperback by Kate Williams (author) and Helen Shoesmith (illustrator). Published by Wren & Rook, £6.99, and suitable for 5-8 year olds.
This is a lovely book about the Queen’s life with lots of interesting facts and explanations – such as why she had two birthdays. Great reading for the whole family – and a book which you will want to keep for ever.
We’d love to hear the title of your grandchildren’s favourite book. You can let us know by emailing us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Looking For A New Book?
“You know she’s lying – but so are you.” Harold is coming towards the end of his life. But as he approaches the inevitable, family secrets start to unravel. Who killed him? And why?
We All Have Our Secrets by Jane Corry is the “best psychological thriller of the summer” according to one national newspaper. Available from supermarkets, bookshops and online.
