Diary of A Modern Gran | Royal Funeral
I suspect that like us, many of you were sitting in front of the television on Monday, perhaps with your grandchildren.
What a moving day it was.
But It was also my grandson George’s fifth birthday. So we decided that my husband and I would go round to their place at 10 o’clock for the present opening so we could be on the sofa by 11am.
My daughter and son-in-law had already explained to George and his six-year-old sister Rose that it was also the day of the Queen’s funeral.
I wouldn’t mind betting that if a child didn’t already know the meaning of the word “funeral”, they do now. It’s been on the news and everyone’s lips since the news of the Queen’s death.
But even so, some of Rose and George’s questions kept us on our toes.
“Why is the Queen in that box?” asks George.
“It’s called a coffin,” we explain.
“Why is there a crown on it?”
“Because she wore it on her head.”
“Why doesn’t it fall off the box?” asks Rose.
We all hesitate slightly about that one.
“Perhaps because the men who are carrying it are being very careful,” I suggest.
George puts up his hand, bursting to answer. “I think it’s super-glued.”
I like to think the Queen might have found that rather amusing. Unless of course it’s true…
Later when Elizabeth 11 was lying in state in Westminster Abbey, the children noticed four large candles around the coffin.
“Is that because it’s her birthday as well?” asks George.
“She’s not four,” chips in Rose. “She’s much older than that.”
“It’s all part of the scenery,” says my husband.
“It’s very sad,” sighs Rose.
It is, I say. But then I think of something that one of my psychologist friends said when discussing the effect of the royal death on children. It can be an opportunity for comforting children about the end of life.
So I take a deep breath. As a granny, you don’t always know if your own thoughts are in line with the parents’ way of thinking, but here goes.
“We need to be very grateful for her life,” I say. “We all have to die at some point but that’s all right. We’ll be safe – just like the Queen.”
As I say the words, a strange thing happens. Despite feeling very unsettled since the Queen’s passing, I feel a comforting warmth passing through me.
At some point, during the service, the children lose attention and turn to George’s new presents. These include a very large dinosaur which my husband had chosen. It’s also very noisy. (Thank goodness it doesn’t have to live at our house!)
Then there’s a low rumbling noise. I can’t help jumping. Is something happening at the service?
“It’s the dinosaur,” says my son-in-law. I find myself laughing with relief.
But it was the grief on the royal family‘s faces that really twisted my heart. It can’t be easy to know that every personal expression and tear could be caught on television for everyone to see.
At the same time, the Queen must be so very proud of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
I take my hat off to Prince George and Princess Charlotte for sitting still and being so grown-up. Huge credit must also go to their parents who will no doubt have explained to them the importance of being on their best behaviour.
“Where’s Prince Louis?” asks my husband.
“I’m not sure but maybe he was considered too young.”
This reminded me of a completely different kind of ceremony – a wedding some years ago when my eldest son and daughter (then age four and six) were the “flower girl and boy”. They mischievously did some rollovers on the altar rail next to the bride and groom. I’ll never forget my embarrassment…
Then the phone goes. It’s my 99-year-old dad. He wants to wish George a happy fifth birthday. He’s also watching the funeral at the same time.
My dad is looking particularly old and frail on screen.
“Marvellous, isn’t it,” he says pointing to the tv screen in his sitting room. “I must go now.”
During the time of silence, we are all very still, including Rose and George. In fact, I’ve never seen my grandson sit so quietly. I’m very proud of them. It takes quite a lot of self-discipline when you’re five, not to carry on playing with birthday presents.
When the congregation sings God save the King towards the end, I find myself standing up. “Your grandmother always did this during the national anthem,” I tell my daughter. So we all do the same. It feels right.
“I miss the Queen,” says George.
Ah… like so many of us, he may not have met her, but he feels the gap.
Perhaps this is because of the royal letters which have tumbled through the letter box. In the last three years, Rose has written twice to the Queen expressing her admiration and “hoping you are well”. She received a reply each time via a royal Lady in waiting. How wonderful that despite her onerous work load, the Queen had time for a small girl whom she’d never met.
While the Royal procession is walking down the Mall, we have a quick break in the kitchen with broccoli and stilton soup followed by Spider-Man birthday cake (both made by my daughter).
After we sing happy birthday, we raise our mugs. “To the old Queen,” we say, “and to the new King.”
I’d like to think that Rose and George will remember this day when they’re older. I hope that it will be one of those significant moments of their life when they tell their own children or grandchildren.
I can almost hear them saying, “Do you remember watching the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II with Gan Gan, Grandad and Mum and Dad?”
And I hope that they will have learnt to see death as something which is part of life. However hard it is at the time.
Meanwhile, I’ve just come back from talking at a literary festival called Bloody Scotland. It was held in Stirling where there is a wonderful old church, bearing the footprints of Kings and Queens from the past.
There were lots of really famous authors there, too. It’s not often you end up having breakfast at a table next to the wonderful Ann Cleeves!
When I came back after being away for three days, I went straight to George’s birthday party – held the day before his actual event.
I have to confess to feeling utterly exhausted after my long journey. But that’s what grandparents do, isn’t it?
Besides, I love chatting to all the parents. I am constantly amazed by how involved today’s modern dads are. One of them was in charge while his wife had gone away for a three day hen weekend!
What are your thoughts on the way that family roles are changing? Do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Ask Agony Gran
Thank you to Kim who sent this problem in through email.
“My eight-year-old granddaughter hasn’t settled in her new class after going back to school.
“I’m not sure if it’s because of the long summer break or whether it’s because of her friendship group. Her best friends have been put in a different class in the year and she’s had to start again by making new ones. Her mother says it will all work out but I’m concerned. I remember disliking school myself for a time and I don’t want her to do the same.
“I look after her after school while her mother works and she’s become very subdued.”
Jane says:
“We really sympathise with you, Kim. It’s so hard to see someone you love going through a difficult patch, however old or young they are.
“It’s particularly tough I think when it comes to friends at that age. Your daughter is probably right. It may sort itself out.
“But meanwhile, your granddaughter is clearly unhappy.
“It’s difficult for you to actively do anything because you’re not the parent in charge. But if it goes on, you might suggest that your daughter has a word with the teacher to see what your granddaughter’s behaviour is like during the day. Maybe you could also suggest that she invites one of the new children in her class back to tea with you (with the parents’ permission of course).
“If things haven’t sort themselves out by Christmas, perhaps it might be time for a family conversation on this. A lot can get better in a term.
“In the meantime, listen to what she has to say. It could help her to offload. You say that you disliked school yourself ‘for a time’. That suggests you found a way through it. Maybe you could share some of these experiences with her. She might find that reassuring. Good luck.”
PS Do take a look at our Children’s Book of the Week below.
The Funny Things They Say…
Thanks to Jo for emailing this in.
“My nine-year-old grandson was listening to the Royal funeral service and heard the word ‘concord’. He got very excited because he thought it meant a plane was arriving. I explained that ‘concord’ could also mean ‘peace’.
He looked puzzled.
“Why has it got two meanings?”
I explained that some words do.
“But why?” he said.
“I wasn’t sure how to answer that one! So I just said it was part of the English language!”
Family News Flash
Primary school children who use social media “excessively” can miss out on the equivalent of one night’s sleep a week, according to a recent survey.
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Children’s Book Of The Week
Each week I’ll recommend a great book that I’ve enjoyed reading with my grandchildren, but do feel free to contact me with a favourite book you’ve read to your children or grandchildren. I’d be happy to include it here.
This week’s recommendation is Lucy & Tom At School by Shirley Hughes (Red Fox Picture Books, £6.99).
We love Shirley Hughes (RIP) in this house. I used to read her stories to my children and now I do the same to my grandchildren. This is not a new book but the tale about a brother and sister going to school is timeless.
Calling All Readers!
Would you like to recommend a children’s book? Do you have a problem that you’d like to share anonymously? Then do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Looking For A New Book?
“You know she’s lying – but so are you.” Harold is coming towards the end of his life. But as he approaches the inevitable, family secrets start to unravel. Who killed him? And why?
We All Have Our Secrets by Jane Corry is the “best psychological thriller of the summer” according to one national newspaper. Available from supermarkets, bookshops and online.
