Diary of A Modern Gran | Visiting Great-Grandad

By Allison Hay

Illustration: Istockphoto

And we’re off!

Hang on.

No we’re not.

George’s face rash (which might or not be caused by the bandage from his playground accident) has got worse.

So my daughter, understandably, wants him checked over again at the doctor’s. The only appointment available is in the morning of our six-hour drive to my father and stepmother.

This is a journey we’ve been planning for some time – especially as it’s my father’s 99th birthday tomorrow!

“We’re going to be a bit late,” I try to explain to Daddy on the mobile as Rose and I wait in the car while George is being checked over by the doctor’s.

“What’s that you say?” he asks.

Oh dear. He’s very deaf and refuses to wear the hearing aids which were suggested.

George and my daughter emerge from the surgery with a prescription for yet another cream. We wait about half an hour as the chemist is busy and then apply it while he squirms in his car seat. What a brave boy! And then we’re off. Yes. We really are.

It’s very long and hot journey full of “Are we there yet?” questions (from the children) and “Are you sure Sat Nav is taking us the right way?” (me).

We also stop a lot for loo breaks and food and drink. Even though we’ve brought enough for several picnics, the children just want chips and burgers. If you can’t beat them, join them! I end up eating more fast food than I have for years.

Every now and then my father rings to check on our progress.

“Are you there yet?” he asks, echoing the children’s “Are we there yet?”

My daughter’s driving is very good. I’m afraid to say that I’m one of those people who is scared of driving on motorways. I peep at my daughter every now and then and marvel at how that little girl (just like Rose in the back) has grown into this lovely, confidant, brilliant mother.

Eventually, we round the corner and the children gasp out “There’s the sea!”

So it is. It’s a different kind of sea from ours at home. This one has a pier.

“When your mummy and uncles were little, I used to take them there after visiting Great-grandad,” I explain.

“Can we do the same?” they ask.

“Yes,” both my daughter and I say in unison. “But first we must see Great-grandad.”

It’s not quite the joyous meeting we’d hoped for…

My dad gets very fixed on things and when we arrive, he’s fretting because my stepmother has an outpatient appointment at the hospital next week. “I don’t want her to go,” he says. “What if she doesn’t come back?”

I try to reassure him this won’t happen but he won’t be soothed.

My daughter plays in the garden with the children while the carer and I try to calm Daddy down.

We all decide it’s best if we head for the hotel room I’ve booked and come back in the morning when it’s his actual birthday.

“Wow!” says Rose when we get there. “Is this all ours?”

I’d booked a family room but we’ve been given two rooms with an adjoining corridor. Neither my daughter or I like the idea of the children sleeping on their own especially as we’re four floors up. The windows are on a safety latch which means they can only be opened a few inches but even so, it’s best to play safe.

So we all end up sleeping in the same room together! Before that, I take them out for a grown-up Italian meal at a restaurant round the corner where they jump up and down in between doing their dot to dot books and woofing down spaghetti. Well, they have had a long journey.

Afterwards, we walk along the pier in the evening. It’s way past their bedtime and they should be exhausted, especially as they didn’t even nap in the car. But they’re not. Instead, their eyes are round with wonder as we walk along the pier along with lots of “Hold our hands” and “Don’t go near the side”.

The next day, we meet my sister and her daughter at Daddy’s. Our father seems to have forgotten his worry over his wife’s hospital appointment. “These are nice,” he says, as we help put his feet into a pair of slippers which Millie and George have chosen for him.

His wonderful carer has decorated the room with a happy birthday banner and silver stars on the floor which the children pick up wondrously like treasure. I read him a poem which I’d written for him. This is something I’ve done on family birthdays ever since I was a child.

Daddy tries to blow out his candles but he can’t quite summon up the oomph so Rose and George help him do it.

“Well done,” he says. But then all of a sudden, he gets very tired. We’ve only been there for about three hours but we don’t want to exhaust him.

“Next year,” says Rose solemnly as she kisses his wizened cheek goodbye, “you’re going to be 100.”

He nods. “That’s right.”

“Is that very old?” asks George.

“Very old,” agrees my father.

We leave with lumps in our throats. The journey back is tortuous with heavy juggernauts and stiff backs, “I’m hungry’s” and more snacks, and another route which I don’t recognise.

When we get home, my poor daughter is exhausted. But Rose and George run inside to find Daddy, waving their drawings from the last stop-off.

“We saw Great-grandad,” they call out.

I go back to my place with a lump in my throat. This is probably the last time they’ll do so.

But I’m hoping that the memories will stay in their minds. In years to come, I’d like to think that they’ll remember that starry evening “past-their-bedtime” walk along the pier; the chocolate birthday cake with its 99-shaped candles that they helped to blow out; and an old man who let them kiss his old leathery cheek.

The Funny Things They Do and Say…

Thanks to Joyce for telling us this one.

“My six-year-old grandson’s favourite meal is fish fingers. When he and his dad came to visit me over the summer, he’d just been finishing his school holiday homework. This included a section on the parts of the human body like the head and arms etc.

“I asked him if he’d like fish fingers again for tea. ‘Only if there aren’t any thumbs,’ he said.

“Now there’s an idea!”

Ask Agony Gran

“I’d like to start giving my grandchildren pocket money but I don’t know how much to give them. They’re aged ten and eight. Also, I don’t live near them so I don’t know whether to give it when we see each other or pay it into their parent’s account. I can’t afford much as my pension is my main means of support.” Ann from Lancashire

Jane says:

“Dear Ann, I think you raise some very good points here. Personally, I think it’s good to give children pocket money because it teaches them to save up. I’m very bad at buying them things when they ask for it and I’ve decided to be more controlled as they need to learn that you can’t have everything when you want it in life. In fact, I remember saving up for weeks to buy one of those trolls with long hair in the 60s. I’m sure she was extra-special to me because I put aside my pocket money.

“There are lots of surveys about average rates for pocket money according to a child’s age. But at the end of the day, you don’t want to be broke – or spoil them. I’ve decided to give my grandchildren 50p a week each from now on. But the decision must be up to you.

“Now for the handover! Maybe you could ask the parents if they could give your grandchildren some money on your behalf so they actually get it every week and learn to save up. You could reimburse them later. Or you might do what many grandparents do and give them some money personally when you meet up.

“Mind you, one of my granny friends was a bit upset when her brood arrived over the summer. The six-year-old ran up to her and said “Can I have my money please?’” She obviously associated visits with granny with handouts! Her parents told her off and this caused tears. But she’s probably learned her lesson…”

Children’s Book Of The Week

“Each week I’ll recommend a great book that I’ve enjoyed reading with my grandchildren. This week it’s Peep Inside A Fairy Tale: Sleeping Beauty, by Anna Milbourne (author) and Karl James Mountford (illustrator).

“During our journey to see my father, we stopped off at several service stations. As usual, I headed for the book section. At one, I found a charming fairy tale board book published by Usborne. It was a traditional story about Sleeping Beauty with beautiful pictures and cut-aways plus holes to peep through in the pages which made it a delightful book for both adult and child. It’s become our favourite bedtime reading book.

“There are also others in the series such as Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast.

“I do think that a children’s book needs to appeal to adults too. Children can pick up the interest – or boredom – in an adult voice. Don’t you agree?”

Newsflash

Nearly half of children in the UK apparently grow up in “non-traditional” families according to a recent survey. But does it matter if they live with one parent or two? Or if their parents aren’t their biological parents? We’d love to hear your views. Please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.

Jane’s New Book

Jane Corry is an author and journalist. Her latest novel is called WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRETS and is published by Penguin £7.99. When Emily leaves her London job to live with her elderly dad in Cornwall, a stranger opens the front door. From supermarkets, bookshops and online.