It Doesn’t Compute
However advanced the tech, it’s still prone to acting up, as Nick and Grandpa find out…
WRITTEN BY SARAH SWATRIDGE
“I’ve typed in January the first, 2065, and nothing happens,” sighed Nick. “Perhaps the world did end – or does end – in 2020?”
“Nonsense,” reassured his grandpa. “I travelled to 2039 only last week and it was working perfectly. It must be your mum spraying polish on the controls.” He stroked his Heath-Robinson Version 37 Time Machine. “Leave it with me, and I’ll see what I can come up with.”
“But it’s my history homework,” explained Nick, “And it needs to be in by tomorrow.”
“It’s rather a long shot,” mused Grandpa, “but in 2039 they were talking about decimalising time. No one seemed happy about it. People felt cheated because birthdays were changed. In fact, there was talk of losing January and February altogether to make 10 months of 40 days each, so a year would be exactly 400 days. I can see some sense in it.”
“What about school holidays?” asked Nick. “How long were they?”
“I haven’t studied that era much yet,” replied Grandpa. “But I remember someone talking about four-day weekends.”
“I think I could get used to that,” said Nick as he mulled over this information.
Grandpa was keying in another date on the Time Machine console.
“Let’s try March, 2065 and see if that makes any difference.”
There was a series of beeps followed by a row of green lights.
“We have lift-off,” said Grandpa.
The years ticked by in large red digital figures.
“I don’t know why you don’t just Google which year you want to visit. You just have to type in the co-ordinates,” said Nick.
“All very well if you’ve got the Leaded Windows version, but I’ve got Bay Windows and you know how slow that is,” said Grandpa.
A ghostly hologram appeared.
“Google Genie at your service,” it said in a robotic voice.
“OK, Nick,” said Grandpa, ignoring the genie. “Read out your question.”
“As we are about to celebrate the 800th anniversary of the signing of The Magna Carta in June 2015, state if it is likely to be as relevant in 50 years’ time,” read Nick. “And I have to give at least three examples.”
Silence. Grandpa scratched his head.
“Hmmm – I don’t know why the hologram isn’t responding. It’s not frozen.”
“I’m not an ‘it’,” snapped the Genie. “I do have a PIN number and, according to the Hologram Equality Reformation Bill, you are required by law to use it – and to say please – when you make a request.”
“I apologise. Beta 738, please help me with my homework,” asked Nick politely as he’d been taught at Cyber School.
“Definitely relevant,” said Beta 738 decisively. “Example one. You cannot be held indefinitely by cyber police – they must have sufficient evidence to charge or release you, thanks to the Magna Carta.
“Example two, you have the right to a fair trial. Example three –”
“Hold on,” said Nick as he fumbled with his memory stick. “I’m sorry, Beta 738, you are so knowledgeable. Please repeat the last two examples.”
The genie did as requested and then continued, “Example three would be the use of standard measures. If you buy a thousand Trigger-Bite Memory Card, then it is a thousand Trigger-Bites and no less.”
“Thank you,” said Nick about to withdraw his memory stick.
“I can give you a bonus example,” offered Beta 738.
“Will it cost me anything?” asked Nick. He’d been caught before by a seemingly helpful hologram.
“A little time travel would be appreciated,” the genie replied.
Nick looked at his grandpa for approval. Grandpa nodded.
“Example four could be that sentences need to be in proportion to the offence.
“For example, you would not expect to have your first-born child taken away because you once stole some vegetable called Rampion – or that you’d be forever ridiculed for not remembering your password.”
“Thank you,” said Nick.
“My pleasure,” said the hologram. “Now I wish to travel to the first Hologram Revolt of 2027.”
“Is that when you gained the right to switch yourself off?” asked Nick as his Grandpa studied the dials on the console.
“No, that was later. 2027 was the right to a day off. I am a No Thursday Genie.”
Grandpa bit his lip, but duly sent the genie on his way.
“Now how about we travel back to a time before computers?” he suggested to his grandson.
“Don’t be silly,” scoffed Nick. “There wasn’t life before computers.”
We’re sharing another sci-fi themed short story from our archives every Monday and Thursday throughout November. Watch out for the next one!
